We got us a family here

So… apparently it is my fate in life to struggle with every aspect of cutting the grass of anywhere I ever live.

I can’t take complete credit for this though, it is at least 90% genetic. Some of the most vivid memories of my childhood are related my dad’s perpetual battle with any lawn mower he ever purchased. My dad is a very smart guy, knows a lot about a lot of things and I really look up to him. That being said, he once took a lawnmower to the repair shop because it just wouldn’t start, yes… yes it was out of gas. Part of the trouble was that these awful things were never purchased new, always third hand from some snake oil salesman that my dad was helpless against. There were many summers where we went through two or three of these old decrepit push mowers, just desperate for one that would make it through an entire mowing without belching out a noxious cloud of smoke and choking out a horrible death rattle.

One summer, being young and ambitious and broke lead my best friend Amir and I to throw caution to the winds and attempt a lawn mowing business. Amir’s family hired someone else (someone capable) to mow their grass already so that meant I was supplying the equipment. Things went about like you would expect… poorly. You know the fancy “Easy Pull” feature most lawn mowers have these days? Well, that was not included on any member of Dad’s stable of atrocities. So we would show up at the victim’s (customer’s) house bright and early and commence yanking that stupid cord over and over and over. We would take breaks, catch our breath, dump a little gas down the carburetor and get back at it. Eventually it would start and we would dash around the yard as quickly as possible in an attempt to get as much completed before the wretched thing bailed on us.

This is not a joke, after completing the backyard; it took so long to get the front cut that the back needed it again. Our ambitious gas cutting business boasted a grand total of one customer and we split the staggering sum of $5 between us (that was before expenses). Add to this the ridicule we suffered at the hands of all the other kids whose parents had the sweet current model year lawn mowers and we were just glad to escape with our lives, forget our dignity.

Fast forward to adulthood and things have not gotten one bit better, I have inherited my dad’s aversion to new (operational) pieces of lawn care equipment and that will be the subject of tomorrow’s post. Tune in won’t you?